Life, Relationship

11 Things A Good Guy Will Never Ask You To Do


Photo Credit – Harradox
By Denise NGO

We’ve all been in relationships where, at times, we’ve felt more like a mom or a secretary than a significant other. While we understand that healthy relationships require compromises, we’ve compiled a list of favors that good boyfriends know better than to consistently request. If you’re constantly taking on any of the items on this list (especially with any hint of resentment), it’s time to get your guy to lend a hand.

1. His laundry. Pairing your socks isn’t exactly our idea of a stay-at-home date, nor does living with you make us a 1950s housewife. A good compromise is for one partner to sort and start the laundry and the other to fold and put it away. Plus, studies show that helping around the house increases a man’s chances of getting laid. So, how ‘bout that pile of dishes? If you clean up the sink while we tackle the living room, we’ll get to the bedroom twice as fast.

2. Buy gifts and cards for other people on his behalf. We’ll help when we’re out with you, but no, we won’t make a pit stop at Hallmark and Laura Ashley while we’re shopping with the girls. Just because we’re women doesn’t mean we’re automatically adept at figuring out your Aunt Martha’s dress size.

3. Plan an entire vacation without his help. When we ask you whether you’d rather spend our anniversary in Rome or Vermont, we want you to express an actual preference, not to say, “Whatever, I’m happy with what makes you happy.” The same goes for the hotel, the airline, and the restaurant reservations. Letting us take the reins isn’t considerate, it’s just lazy and boring. Instead, make sure to divvy up the planning. We pick the location and hotel; you plan the activities.

4. Make him a sandwich. The refrigerator is 10 feet away and your game control has a pause button, so get up, stretch, and slap that ham and lettuce together by yourself. We don’t care if you’re “in the zone,” because apparently, you were out of it long enough to articulate your immediate need for a nibble. Maybe we’ll consider it if you agree to break from the game for 20 minutes, put on some coffee, and enjoy your afternoon snack with us.

5. Change your relationship status on Facebook. We believe our life outside of the Internet should speak for itself. On the off-chance that we break up, wouldn’t you rather tell your close friends in person, rather than have that ever-present broken heart appear on 500 people’s news feeds? Well, we would, so don’t even ask us to include our relationship status on Facebook in the first place.

6. Be his wake-up call. If we wanted a newborn, we’d just pierce the condom. Kidding! But really, buy an alarm clock. Remembering a man’s nap and wakeup schedule should be an occasional favor, not an everyday obligation.

7. Take care of his drunk friends. We’ll help them hail cabs or drive them home, but our couch really shouldn’t be a post-happy-hour crash pad.

8. Hang out with his ex. Some women like befriending the ex, and others just want to satisfy their curiosity about her, but don’t pressure the ones who would rather keep a distance.

9. Keep up with his favorite shows. How would you like it if we made you religiously watch The Bachelor? Instead, let’s pick a show we both like and make sure we follow it together.

10. Lose weight. We’ll tone up for health purposes and for ourselves, but if you’re really concerned about the 5 lbs we gained over the holidays, don’t flat-out complain that we’re getting flabby. Instead, invite us to go biking with you or to take a yoga class together. Treat exercise as a fun activity we can do together instead of something we should do just for you.

11. Keep our hair long. Trust us, short hair is cute, fun, and just as feminine as back-length hair. Just look at Halle Berry, Audrey Tautou and Keira Knightley, circa 2005. It’s not as if we’re going to shave it off or sport one of Rihanna’s hairstyles, but even if we did, we hope you’d find us just as attractive.

Credit – @Yahoo

Posted by Mr Oyagiri for Harradox Media


Baring the Female Breasts: Beyond Objectification

Stories From the Belly

There is so much more to a woman’s relationship to her breasts than meets the naked eye. In this post, I am thrilled to have two of my favorite bloggers, KS of Kosher Adobo and Jennifer Berney of Goodnight Already, joining me as we pay homage to this most famous of feminine body parts. Two Tahitian Women by Paul Gauguin
Two Tahitian Women by Paul Gauguin


I am a junior in boarding school. Behind me is a “Save Sex” poster and a perfume ad: “Femme Fatale: When the female of the species is more dangerous than the male.” It’s the night before the first day of school. I am tugging on the neck of my shirt, admiring my bra strap. Every bra I owned just a year before was white or beige, looking more like bandages for my then AA breasts. But this 36B brassiere, red and lined with lace, which I bought…

View original post 915 more words


20 Signs You’re Succeeding In Life Even If You Don’t Feel You Are


We all feel like failures from time to time. While this is a normal feeling, you have to find a way to see yourself and your life from a different perspective. Sometimes we ignore the “little things.” Just because you are not a millionaire, don’t live in a mansion, and you don’t drive a fancy car, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. In fact, it’s quite the contrary.

Here are 20 signs that you are succeeding in life:

1. Your relationships are less dramatic than they used to be.

Drama is not maturity. As we age, we should develop maturity. So maybe your relationships were drama-filled in your past, but if you have moved beyond that, then you are successful.

2. You are not afraid to ask for help and support any more.

Asking for help does not equal weakness. In fact, it is a strength. No person has ever succeeded in isolation. It takes teamwork to accomplish goals. Asking or help is a sign that you have grown as a person.

3. You have raised your standards.

You don’t tolerate bad behavior any more – from other people, or even yourself. You hold people accountable for their actions. You don’t spend time with the “energy vampires” in your life anymore.

4. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good.

No, this is not narcissistic even though it might seem like it. Self-love is success. Love yourself enough to say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t serve your purpose, or drags you down.

5. You have moments where you appreciate who you see in the mirror.

Ideally, you should appreciate who you see in the mirror at every moment. But even if that doesn’t happen, if you do it more than you used to, then that is success. Love yourself. You are awesome.

6. You have learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth.

Not everyone can have success 100% of the time. That’s just not realistic. Life is about victories and losses. So look at your setbacks as stepping stones to something better. In reality, there really is no such thing as as setback. It’s all just part of a wondrous journey.

7. You have a support system that includes people who would do anything for you.

If you have figured out the people who “have your back” and recognized the ones who only pretend that they do, then you have succeeded. This is a painful realization, but once you learn to see the signs of betrayal, you can stay away from those people.

8. You don’t complain much.

Because you know there really is nothing to complain about. Unless you really have gone through some horrific life experience and had unimaginable losses, most of what we all experience on a day-to-day basis is just mundane. And successful people know that. And they live in a space of gratitude.

9. You can celebrate others’ successes.

Just because other people succeed, that doesn’t make you a failure. Applaud the people who rise to the top. The more positive energy you give to other people’s victories, the more you will create your own.

10. You have passions that you pursue.

You are not stagnant. You know you have something wonderful to contribute to the world. You have unique talents and gifts. Not only do you know that, you pursue it.

11. You have things to look forward to.

If you don’t have exciting things going on in your life that you are eagerly anticipating, then you are slowly dying inside. Successful people create goals that they are passionate about pursuing. They let this excitement drive their life.

12. You have goals that have come true.

Even though “failures” are a part of life, you have stuck to your goals and dreams long enough to make them come to fruition. You have  some tastes of victory. It fuels you.

13. You have empathy for others.

A person without empathy is dead inside. Empathy equals spreading love and positive energy into the world. Successful people know this. They love others as if they are family.

14. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others.

Love is risky, and sometimes scary for people. It’s the one thing we all strive for, but it’s also intimately tied to the one thing we fear the most – rejection. If you open your heart enough to love and be loved, then you are successful.

15. You refuse to be be a victim.

You know that life doesn’t always happen to you. Many times, you are a co-creator of your life experiences. Successful people know this and refuse to be kept down by life experiences. The rise up and conquer anyway.

16. You don’t care what other people think.

You know you can’t please everyone. You know that the standards with which society judges people is many times unrealistic. So you just keep true to yourself and love the person you are.

17. You always look on the bright side.

Life can be full of disappointments – if you choose to see them that way. Otherwise, they are learning opportunities. No negative experience is ever wasted as long as you learn from it.

18. You accept what you can’t change.

Let’s face it – there many things you can’t change in life. All you can change is how you view what happens. If you can change your negative perspective on situations to a positive one, then you are successful.

19. You change what you can.

And let’s face it again – there are many things you can change in life. Successful people don’t sit around accepting the negatives that are changeable. They get out there and do something about it!!

20. You are happy.

To me, this is the ultimate definition of success. It doesn’t matter what the balance is in your bank account, how big your house is,  or how many fancy vacations you take. If you are happy, then you are succeeding in life.

Credit – @LifeHack


6 Sex Rules Every Man Should Follow To Be Good In Bed


Despite paradoxes inherent in male sexuality and the culture that encourages men to have sex with women while simultaneously degrading them for being willing to do so, it is my belief that it’s possible to get the sex you want while also not being an asshole. After all, speaking strictly from a position of enlightened self-interest, a culture where women aren’t treated simultaneously as sex objects and then slut-shamed by the men that desire them for being sex objects is a culture where women are going to be more willing to express themselves sexually. Thus, I encourage men to be sex-positive but also to look for the sex they want in a way that doesn’t make women uncomfortable or cast them in an antagonistic role. Or as I like to call it: “Fuck Like A Gentleman”.

But the sex-positive, collaborative view of sex goes beyond just the act of trying to pick someone up; it continues well into the bedroom as well. After all, taking someone home isn’t the end of the game, and it’s all to easy to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by acting like an asshat. So let’s take a look at what it takes to truly fuck like a gentleman.

1. Only Sleep With People You Could Be Friends With

This has been a rule of thumb that I adopted late in my development as I was beginning to exit the PUA scene: I would only sleep with people I could see myself being friends with. One of the things that helped reshape my thinking about casual sex was the number of times I ended up going home with someone I was interested in having sex with… but couldn’t stand to talk to as soon as I was done. And let me tell you, there is little more awkward that being in bed with someone and wondering just how you can extract yourself from the situation as quickly and painlessly as possible. And I’m not the only person who’s had this issue; most of my friends in the scene have had elaborate ways of trying to get out (or shuffle their partner out the door) as soon as they got their rocks off.
Sex is a relationship — even if it’s only a relationship for that evening — and treating someone like a sex toy just because you’re not planning on seeing them again is incredibly dehumanizing. Being able to have a conversation with someone and enjoying their company even if sex was off the table is a core component to fucking like a gentleman; not only does it mean you are going to treat her with respect, but it makes the aftermath much less awkward. When you’re compatible with someone, even someone who you’re just planning on a one night stand with, you don’t feel like you’re making the “walk of shame” afterwards or wondering just what the hell you were thinking (You weren’t. You were horny. Horny people frequently make bad decisions) doing going home with that person.

Plus: that potential for friendship and compatibility makes the sex much more enjoyable. After all, it’s far easier to have conversations about kinks, positions, condoms, etc. with someone you’re into intellectually as well as sexually than with someone you’re hoping just to bang and forget.

It’s easy to think that, because you’re only planning on a one-night stand, you’ll never see them again. Except… if the sex is good, why wouldn’t you want to see them again? Plus, many an amazing relationship began as a one-night stand that just didn’t end. It’s easier to pivot from a ONS to something more frequent if you’re at least friendly before hand than if you’re just two strangers planning on using each other and disappearing into the night.

2. Enthusiastic Consent Is The Default Standard

I can’t emphasize this enough: no matter the circumstances, if you’re going to be having sex with someone, then you should be looking for an enthusiastic yes, not just trying to avoid a “no.”  Just because she came home with you — or you went to her place — doesn’t mean that it’s all over but the squishy noises. Even if you think that your intentions were perfectly clear, each participant’s expectations can vary drastically. She may be down for banging… or she may be willing to fool around some but isn’t sure she wants to actually have sex. She may have been heavily into you at the party but now that you’re at the front door, she’s not entirely sure… but doesn’t necessarily want to upset you by asking you to take her home right then and there. Never assume that “everyone knows what X means;” misunderstandings happen and people can have wildly different ideas about what they’ve just signed up for.
Thus: you want to make sure there are no misunderstandings or wrong ideas. After all, you want someone who is eager to fuck you, not somebody who is going along to get along because she feels obligated and doesn’t believe she has the right to back out now.
And that enthusiasm is important. Enthusiastic consent means someone who is a willing and excited participant and taking a “no” — even a soft or indirect “no” — as an answer.  On occasion, you’ll hear from guys who insist that women will play “How bad do you really want it?” by saying “no” when they really mean “try harder.” Beyond my initial reaction of “so could you sound a little more rapey?” my answer is “so what?” If she’s playing head games (Spoiler Alert: she isn’t) then the best thing to do is not play. The last thing you want is to be with someone who thinks “hard to get” is a valid dating strategy. Bid her a fond good night, and find someone else who isn’t going to send conflicting messages rather than buying into the idea that “no” is really a bargaining point instead of a refusal.
Also: remember that consent is granular; someone may consent to, say, oral, but not for full intercourse; this is why it’s important to check in with your partner rather than just assuming “well, she’s been cool with everything else…” or deciding that it’s all fait accomplished. And of course, consent can be withdrawn without question. If for whatever reason she’s decided she doesn’t want to do something any more, the only response a gentleman has is to say “I understand” and to stop without complaint.

3. Respect Her Boundaries (And Enforce Your Own)

Tying into enthusiastic consent, you want to respect your partner’s boundaries.
People are complicated, often contradictory beasts. We all have limits and things that we just cannot or will not do… and they aren’t always logical or may not even make sense to an outside party. But just because we don’t necessarily understand the reason or motivation for somebody’s boundaries doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t respect them… especially when sex is involved.
Everyone has things that are a hard “no” to them while others may be a “not yet” while still others could well be negotiated under the right circumstances. Each person has the right to determine where his or her limits are and how firm they are, no matter whether they seem entirely logical and reasonable or completely absurd.  It’s not up to you to decide which things are okay to push against which other things aren’t. This means not trying to manipulate her, guilt her or otherwise apply social pressure like “freeze-outs” and other anti-Last Minute Resistance techniques. This is coercion, not consent.
But respecting boundaries doesn’t just mean hers; it means yours as well… and you should be willing to enforce them as needed. Just as she is free to draw the line and not be pushed past it, so too are you. Many guys I know live in fear of the Paradise By the Dashboard Light moment, being brought up short in what seems like the worst possible minute and making sex conditional on agreeing to a relationship, marriage or some other unwanted transaction. Still others worry about being led on by someone who wants to manipulate them through their junk, perpetually leading them on by keeping the promise of sex just tantalizingly out of reach. And these are all areas where you have to be willing to say “no” and hold firm. You don’t make a fuss or accuse them of trying to pull anything. Just refuse to play; don’t let yourself be guilted, taunted or teased into giving in.
Does it mean you’re giving up the possibility of sex with this person? Well… yes. Sometimes the price of enforcing your boundaries means not screwing manipulative people. Trust me, this is a feature, not a bug and you’ll be much happier for it.

4. Be GGG

One of the most important concepts that the official NerdLove Patronus Dan Savage came up with is the concept of being “GGG” — that is, being good, giving, and game. In many ways, this represents the core of the “fucking” part of “fuck like a gentleman” (To forestall the inevitable comments: yes, the idea of being GGG applies to both women and men. But in the context of this article, I’m specifically addressing guys.) Here’s how you apply it:

A. Be Good (In Bed)

What this means is that you should aspire to be a skilled, talented lover. Don’t necessarily have the experience to build up those skill points? Then you practice. The keys to learning how to be a good lover are very simple: you show an eagerness to listen, an ability to take direction and criticism without taking it personally or letting your ego get in the way. Even if you’re a complete virgin who’s never even seen a woman naked in person, having an open mind and a can-do attitude will make you far more appealing than someone who’s had dozens of partners but doesn’t pay attention to his lovers’ pleasure. Attitude and a willingness to learn count for a lot.

B. Be Giving (Of Time and Pleasure)

You want to be considerate of your partner’s pleasure. This means foreplayLots of it. Far too many people — even ones who consider themselves to be amazing lovers — spend a minimal amount of time playing with her breasts, perfunctory oral sex, and then straight to the bangin’. Sex is about more than just getting the peen in, and treating sex as a holistic exercise that incorporates your entire bodies is key. There are more erogenous zones than just her nipples, her clitoris and her g-spot after all, and tagging all three like you’re running the bases and headed for home tends to signal that you’re an inconsiderate lover. Take time to make out more — having her straddle your thigh while you make out provides pressure to the pubic mound that can be amazing, for example — and find just all of those areas that make you both gasp, bite your lip and moan.
Keep in mind that different people have different arousal patterns. Want to know hers? Ask. Take turns exploring revealing something you want the other to do, letting it drive you both towards the edge until you’re almost ready to explode.

C. Be Game For Anything (Within Reason)

We all have our turn ons and kinks. Sometimes kismet happens and you’ll turn out to have complimentary interests, but more often than not, both you and your partner will have kinks that you don’t share. One of the keys of being a great lover is being willing to try new things, even if they’re not necessarily the actions that turn your crank. Being willing to do something different — even if it’s not something you’re into or even are a little unsure of — for the sake of your partner’s pleasure is part of what makes you a more giving and attentive paramour… and it makes your relationship better, according to science. Studies have shown that being flexible with what you’re willing to try in bed has been proven to dramatically increase a partner’s sense of satisfaction with the relationship.
But this isn’t about grudgingly trying something new; half-heartedly participating in something your partner enjoys is, in many ways, worse than not doing it at all. It signals that you’re only doing this to placate her and you’re less concerned about her pleasure than you are about getting her to just shut up about it. So you need to be bringing your best effort, even with the understanding that it may not be your favorite thing in the world.
An obvious disclaimer: the “within reason” part is important. Hopefully it goes without saying that you don’t want to try something that would leave you curled up on the floor or crying in the shower. But being willing to take a step outside of your comfort zone and pushing the envelope of your sexual repertoire for the sake of your partner’s sexual satisfaction is important. And after all, you’d want her to be willing to do the same for you.

5. Great Sex Does Not (Necessarily) Equal Orgasms

It’s important to keep in mind: sex, even great sex doesn’t necessarily equal orgasms. Because it’s generally very easy for men to get off — too easy at times, to be honest — guys tend to be very orgasm-focused, seeing it as the end goal of sex. However, women’s ability to reach orgasm (and what they need to get there) can vary greatly from person to person. Some women need a great deal of direct clitoral stimulation — sometimes more than the human body can provide — in order to come. Others are easier to get off than a pair of shoes. Most women can’t orgasm strictly through penetrative sex without clitoral stimulation; some can, but they’re decidedly in the minority. Some women can be unable to orgasm at all for a variety of reasons. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that not having an orgasm means that the sex wasn’t great; women can still enjoy the intimacy, the sensation and the act, even if they don’t come. Treating sex as orgasm-centric can put a lot of pressure on women to perform — occasionally literally — and paradoxically make it harder to get off.
BUT! This doesn’t mean that you can view her orgasm as a secondary concern. Instead of treating orgasms as the end goal, treat them as part of the process — a part of the pleasure from sex as a whole rather than an attitude of “well, you got yours, now it’s my turn.”
And speaking of orgasms… most men tend to treat their orgasm as the signal that sex is now over, even if it happened earlier than one might hope. And in fairness, when men come, their bodies produce the hormone prolactin which causes us to lose our interest in sex, for our erections to deflate and makes us get sleepy immediately afterwards. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that sex is done — especially if your partner is still revved up and ready to go. Yes, you may have lost your hard on, but your hands and tongue don’t go limp; power through the drowsiness and ensure your partner’s satisfaction. You can both collapse into an exhausted, happy and gloriously sweaty heap afterwards.
And speaking of…

6. Don’t Blow The Afterglow

Regardless of whether it’s a one-night stand or a relationship of long-standing, you have an obligation to manage things after sex as well. At the very least, a gentleman provides a warm washcloth for immediate clean-up, water and a shower afterwards. What you don’t do is immediately try to make your escape or shuffle them out the door. Yeah, you’re worried about whether letting her stay would mean that she’s going to get overly attached. Don’t worry: odds are she’s thinking the exact same thing… especially if you’re a one night stand. She’s about as likely to not want to stay over as you are — after all, nobody likes the awkward morning after with a relative stranger.
If you don’t want her staying over — or you want to get back to your place, after — then you need to establish this early. This means before sex starts. You don’t have to make an elaborate production of it, just mention “I really want to do this, but just so you know I have an early meeting/ have to be up stupid early/ have to walk and feed my dog.” Not only will she understand — both the actual need and the underlying message — but odds are she’ll be relieved; it takes the pressure off you both from having the awkward .”..sooooo” moment once the possibility of just one more go-round has faded.
Regardless of whether you stay or go, the next day you owe her a text at the very least. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; just a very simple “Hey, I just wanted you to know, I had a great time with you last night.” That’s it; a simple acknowledgement that you enjoyed yourself and you appreciate her involvement. If you’re not planning on seeing her again, then just leave it there; don’t make any empty promises of “let’s do it again some time” that you don’t actually mean. The post-sex text is a small thing, but it goes a very long way to saying that you see her as a person, someone who was your partner in this, not just a sex toy to be used and discarded.
It’s just the gentlemanly thing to do.
This applies to both sexes, male and female…
Credit- @Aquavibes